Today is a bad day.
Today I feel grotesque, lethargic, incompetent and unworthy.
Today I do not want to engage.

Today, is one of those days that, if I’d have had this day, these feelings, 18 months ago; I would have stayed under the duvet under self-imposed stasis. At best, hiding; counting down the hours till the next day, a new day drawn like a card from a freshly shuffled pack. Different luck. Utterly reactionary.

But it isn’t 18 months ago.
It’s today.
And today I have obligations.

Simple things, but particularly illustrative. I need to go to the post office and send HMRC some documentation pertaining to the business that I run. I need to go to the polling station and vote. I need to go put a cheque into the bank. I need to get a bus across town and go see the therapist. I need to call a friend and commit or cancel our plans..

These things.. seem insurmountable.

But today is not the same today as yesterday. These days i make the insurmountable happen. I’d say it gets easier, and i guess it does, until some days, like today, when i catch myself edging towards the duvet..