My Piece.

I am not going to tiptoe around your feelings,
They’re neither eggshell fragile, nor hurtful as broken glass.

I am not going to clam up and withhold my self in order to protect you,
You have loved, and love, who I am then, and now.

I am not going to speak loudly, harshly or impulsively,
What I have to say could be said alike in silence.
But I shall say my piece, nonetheless, in peace,
And listen to yours in the same.

Observe & Acknowledge

It’s been a difficult fortnight, and I am aware I’ve been making an effort to socialise to keep myself from hauling up like a hermit with only my own thoughts for company. I’ve noticed that it is easier to sleep if I’ve had a couple of drinks, so I’ve been seeking out situations where I can drink in order to help me rest.

Although I mean ‘a couple’ of drinks, as in 2 or 3, and although I haven’t been ‘drunk’ at all, I have been enjoying the hazy, languid, glow that alcohol puts over the world – like a silk scarf over a bedside lamp – a little too much.

This is not clever.

I hope that by observing and acknowledging this, it doesn’t become a problem.

The weight of the world…

Today the entire height, breadth and depth of my insular world is weighing on my chest.

I’d describe it as somewhat of a difficult day but this has me thinking about what ‘difficult’ would actually even mean in this context. Clearly the day itself isn’t difficult. Getting through today is simply a matter of staying still and not expiring for 24 hours while the world goes about its merry way around me. I could do this and accordingly the weight would lift. But the gravitas exists because, try as I may, I cannot let the world alone. I have to act upon the will to change my life and my world, and as we all know acting upon a decision is what makes it real. Doing something about it is what causes it to have been a decision and not simply a wistful thought and as far as I am aware… no great gain ever came from wistful thoughts.

And so..
Today the entire height, breadth and depth of my insular world is weighing on my chest.

All at once.

I got caught at a particularly difficult moment in my life but perhaps there was a reason for that. Maybe it took a disarming instance of vulnerability for me to see with any clarity how I needed to reshape my life in order to continue to grow.

I have decided not to seek to learn but simply to be more open to what the world is trying to teach me. It isn’t always the case that I know where the shadows in my understanding lie, it is certainly not always true that the lessons will come in the order i expect, and no matter what Einstein theorised it isn’t a fact that time will prevent everything happening all at once.