Is it honorable to feel pain?
I know, big question for an opening.
Somehow, though, I don’t feel like the preamble..
Not now, not tonight.
Is there a reward for coming home to an empty flat?
Sitting. Hurting. Calling no one, escaping nowhere..
no tv, no fantasy, no novel.. no sex, no drugs, no food.
Just alone. Just pain.
Is there a truth here? Is this all of us? All humanity?
Am I experiencing all it is to be truly human?
Am I really.. (you say I am).. but am I really, really, more broken than most?
Or just more aware?
or neither?
(or delusional.. or wanting..)
I find no peace here, no honesty.
No joy or salvation in the truth. Just pain.
Hence the question..
Is it honorable to feel pain?
*Socrates
But for now we see through a glass, darkly ... 
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June 3, 2010 at 1:38 am
Bela
Reading your post made me think of something I read while on the train yesterday “The actual disorder of depression lights up the brain’s pain circuitry, inducing a state of suffering far exceeding that of any physical discomfort”. Not quite sure how that helps…not saying you have depression!
Living with pain may feel inevitable but I don’t think it is honourable. Also, I don’t think you’re more broken than most and I don’t think you’re delusional!
Two things come to mind. One: Rescue Remedy – apparently millions swear by it. I’ve yet to try it but will definitely give it a go when I remember to pick some up from Boots.
Two: finding something to love. That could be a boy, a girl, a pet, a place, a job, a hobby. Or finding something that absorbs you so completely that it induces a state of flow (look up this concept proposed by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi).
Just random thoughts…not sure any of this actually helps…arg!